The U.S. Deptartment of Health & Human Services answers the burning question that has been on everyone’s mind…

What is the best way to clean my vagina?

“Most doctors say that it is best to let your vagina clean itself. The vagina cleans itself naturally by producing mucous. Women do not need to douche to wash away blood, semen, or vaginal discharge. The vagina gets rid of it alone. Also, it is important to note that even healthy, clean vaginas may have a mild odor.”

What? Snot cleans vaginas?

Color me surprised. It does sound a bit odd that mucus is a cleaning agent. I would think that a chick douches to remove that kind of crap. Personally, I do not prefer odiferous, mucus laden vaginas. Call me crazy.

However you feel about this, I’m sure you can appreciate it. This is just one more reason to respect the almighty vagina. A vagina has many uses for sex, pleasure, procreation, and utility purposes such as smuggling dope or holding car keys while swimming. Now add to this list the ability of being maintenance free and you got yourself quite a prize. Respect!

Unfortunately, the bearers of said vaginas require much more maintenance than the vagina itself.

Caveman Conclusion: Vagina, it’s what’s for dinner.

Posted in Health and Fitness | 8 Comments »

More gnarly posts by the Caveman:
• Cleaning Up My Tornado Damaged House
• A Tornado Ripped Off My Roof
• The Gym, Fat Chicks, And Buckets Of Sweat
• My Big Fat Hairy Hotel Neighbors
• Clearer IMs Will Get You Noticed

Remember how you were shown videos in high school of horrible accidents caused by drunk drivers where people were killed and/or maimed? In that fashion, here are a few short videos that I hope will inspire you to…

…VOMIT!

Caveman Conclusion: Fat people have no souls.

Posted in Health and Fitness | 6 Comments »

More gnarly posts by the Caveman:
• F.A.Q.
• Caveman’s First Video, My 1997 Honda Valkyrie
• Black Stone Cherry
• I Am A South Park Character
• Caveman’s Tribute To Twins

As a fan of toilet humor I decided to embark upon a quest to gross out a few of you. I hate Burger King, and their lousy Whopper. Below is a before and after glimpse of the next Whopper you decide to waste your money on.

Caveman Conclusion: Maybe it’s time to audition for a part in some shitty German Scheiße video!

Posted in Funny Pictures, Health and Fitness | 14 Comments »

More gnarly posts by the Caveman:
• One Year Closer To Death
• Humor Is Funny Stuff, Die You Sexist Pig!
• Beer And Babes [PICS]
• No More Free Entrecard Designs
• Caveman’s Tribute To Twins

Ok, as many of you are aware, I have been getting in shape. I’m am now 172 lbs. and 14.3% body fat. I am proud of this. For the first time in many years I would like to run around my house and do yard work this spring and summer without a shirt.

The problem is that I burn easily. I’m a white dude. I am a very white dude. Descendent from Ireland, I will generally burn to a crisp instead of tan. So, in order to tan I must take it very, very slowly. I must go to a tanning place and pay money to get a tan. As of today, I have been twice and I feel gay every time.

As I walk through the door and proceed to the front desk I am thinking of naked babes and motorcycles. After climbing out of the tanning bed I’m thinking about the horrible job the interior designer did on the place and how there just isn’t enough use of pastels these days.

Gotta run, Oprah is on.

Caveman Conclusion: A tanned wang is a sexy wang.

Posted in Health and Fitness | 9 Comments »

More gnarly posts by the Caveman:
• The Self-Cleaning Vagina
• Give Me Your Suggestions On How To Screw With My Image Leecher!
• Clearer IMs Will Get You Noticed
• Big Contest, Bald Meme
• Oy Vey, Uncle Ben Is One Dumb Bastard!

Think this sounds too good to be true. It isn’t. I’m talking about Lasik eye surgery.

Perform Lasik Vision Corrective Surgery

About a year ago I had lasik vision correction performed. I paid $3000 and it literally took 10 minutes. I laid down on the table. The doc then put some numbing drops in my eyes, clamped my eye open, used some medieval eye slicing device to cut and peel back part of my eye. Finally, he used sharks with fricken laser beams attached to their heads to shoot computer guided laser beams into my eyes.

After it’s done, they give you a pair of 3 and a half cent Ray Charles sunglasses to wear and some eye drops. There is a bit of discomfort for a few days and some eye dryness issues. These symptoms go away fairly quickly.

My wife had the same thing done a few days ago and the price tag is now $4000. My wife and I no longer wear glasses and we both have 20/20 vision. Now that her vision is restored, she’s all like, “Wow! You are indeed one handsome devil!”

People were lined up to have this done. They were actually performing these procedures back to back every 10 minutes.

Want to make $4000 every ten minutes? Do this stuff.

Caveman Conclusion: Eye boogers do not taste like chicken.

Posted in Health and Fitness | 19 Comments »

More gnarly posts by the Caveman:
• Humor Is Funny Stuff, Die You Sexist Pig!
• I Am Too Dumb To Be A Millionaire
• We Need To Talk, Let’s Shoot For Crazy!
• The Self-Cleaning Vagina
• Upgraded To Wordpress 2.3.1