Free Beer Experiment, Part 3

By Caveman on October 22nd, 2007 in Food and Beverage

Please read Part 1 and Part 2.

Well my friends, I’m sorry to say that I have failed. I am not much of a beggar. My efforts to secure tasty adult beverages for free have proven fruitless indeed. So, I decided to ask for other crap just to see if I could get anything from them. I replied to the stuffy secretary with the following email.

“Ok, I digress. I really love Sierra Nevada Pale Ale though. Could you maybe send me a bunch of your promotional items? Like maybe a hat, shirt, beer mug, an autographed picture of your sweet arse in a Sierra Nevada bikini perhaps?”

I was kind of hoping that a little flirtation would aid in my efforts. I was wrong.

“We appreciate your tenacity regarding the procurement of free items, but we cannot send hats and t-shirts to everyone who asks. And a lot do.”

While I completely understand their decision not to give me free items, I really wish they had been more honest about why. That is the way of things now. I get it. They must massage and sanitize their correspondence to sound as though they would love to do it, but can’t due to circumstances beyond their control. They should know that I know the truth. Just tell me “NO” you bastards instead of jerking me off with false reasoning.

For the record, although I am disappointed, I do enjoy the beer and will continue to buy it. It’s the same reason people hate WalMart but continue to shop there. You may hate the way WalMart takes over towns by driving out small businesses and treats their employees like Kathy Lee Gifford sweatshop workers, but you are consumers and therefore understand that a bargain trumps all that other stuff despite the fact that the made in China shit you just bought will break after 6 weeks.

Really though, they did not even have to reply to my emails. It’s like those street beggars asking you for spare change. You know you have change in your pocket that you could give, but tell them no and keep walking. You are not required to tell them the truth. You do not owe them the truth. And besides, is any money really spare anyway? No.

Caveman Conclusion: If you ask to be anally raped don’t be surprised if they oblige you.

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